When the phone rings…

I love to hear innovative and refreshing voices when I dial someone and get a voicemail. A well-thought voicemail greeting can make a positive impact on your caller, especially if you are a businessman, relying on public patronage. On the other hand, an improper voicemail can alienate your clientele.

Recently, I had to call an appliance man recommended by a neighbour. Every time I called, he had a voicemail, asking me to leave a message. He called after I left three messages. Now my emergency could wait another day, but if I needed a repairman right away, this guy would have lost a customer.

The caller is interested in knowing when can he expect a return call and possibly instructions on what should be done if your call is urgent.

A normal greeting voicemail should include an “urgent only” pager or cell number. It should say, “”This is Joe of Joe’s Plumbing. I’m currently unable to take your call. Please leave your name, phone number, and your message, and I will contact you as soon as possible. If this message is urgent, press 3 to have me paged. Thanks.”

Some departmental stores are guilty of answering after several rings. I had to deal with one well-known departmental store and waited for 15 rings and counting, but no one had the courtesy to pick it up. I phoned back twice before someone answered. I don’t know if these stores are cutting staff or trying to maximize profit and not provide service to the public. Such stores should be monitored by Department of Consumer Affairs and warned if necessary.

I would even say that those who answer telephones should receive proper training in how to handle public’s inquiries. They should be courteous and sharp in handling inquiries. Don’t forget, whether she/he is a receptionist or someone who has duties to field calls, she is the first contact that the public has of your company. She/he can make or break your business.

When I had a business, I was often in the habit of calling my own office to determine how my calls were answered. In fact, it’s not a bad idea to role-play a phone call with the staff – that it if you are a stickler for efficiency and customer relations.

My wife loves the phone. It appears that she is constantly talking to friends and relatives. I have to wait in line to get my share of the phone and many times I have to use my cell phone in frustration or after waiting for a long time. No relative or friend’s birthdays or anniversaries escapes her. During the recent floods in Calgary and torrential rains in Toronto, she was on the phone, inquiring about friends and relatives and whether they needed any help. I commend her caring and inquiring nature but when I see the long distance phone bill, my blood boils.

A friend of mine has given phone a special name. I am telling this at the risk of a civil war at home – he calls it appropriately telewoman. May be it’s because of this that women make good telemarketers. I recognize that telemarketers also have to earn a living and that they are performing a job necessary in a modern society but needless to say, majority of telemarketers are a menace and usually call at the most inappropriate time.
Some telemarketers have even found my cell number and I receive at least one call every second week from them informing me that I have won a trip to the Caribbean, though I have never proceeded beyond hanging up the phone.

And then there are times when someone calls me to discuss my articles published in the newspaper. Don’t get me wrong, like any other columnist, I appreciate receiving feedback on my articles but the proper place for it is in the letters to the editor columns. Express your views, however, disagreeing with the writer as a letter to the editor. As a former editor, I loved to publish letters to the editor because it indicated that the newspaper was being read. After all, receiving alternative views is one of the fundamental pillars of our democracy.

At home I have devised a unique voicemail. Now please don’t copy this as it’s patented, but for your information, when you ring my home and if there’s no one, this is what you’ll hear: “Hello, this is the butler speaking. A…. and M…… are not home, so please leave a message and I’ll make sure that they get it.” I have received several compliments for my ingenuity and humour, which has prompted callers to leave equally humorous messages.

Sorry I have to leave now as the phone is just ringing,” Hello, hello.”

“Darling, it’s for you.”

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Mansoor Ladha

Mansoor Ladha is a Calgary-based journalist and author of A Portrait in Pluralism: Aga Khan’s Shia Ismaili Muslims.


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