We all like to be alone once in awhile. Getting away from the duties of our life and finding a moment to simply ‘be,’ is sometimes more valuable than gold. Away from the kids, the boss, the emails and phone calls, being alone may at times feel like the closest we may come to paradise.
However being alone once in awhile and being lonely, are two different things. Researchers have found that loneliness can often have a negative impact on our wellbeing. It can lead to depression, physical illness, anxiety, compromised immune system, and decreased confidence. They have also found that as people experience loneliness, everyday activities become increasingly stressful and challenging.
Similarly, studies have been done in the area of isolation. Psychologists have found that those who have experienced extreme isolation develop brain patterns that actually trick the senses into seeing things that aren’t there; hallucinations. Science has demonstrated that primates and humans are simply not made to be lonely or isolated, our bodies and minds were never intended to function in a relational vacuum.
Social critic James Howard Kunstler wrote, “The idea of a modest dwelling all our own, isolated from the problems of other people, has been our reigning metaphor of the good life for a long time. It must now be seen for what it really is: an antisocial view of human existence.”
We sometimes feel that our lives would be so much better if we could leave, push back from the problems of those around us, and live off in a cabin in the woods. This image of isolation is alluring at times, but all the evidence shows that for almost everyone, it will not lead to the good life we imagine.
Author Albert Y. Hsu wrote that, “while we may have the façade of community and neighbourhood, we actually have clusters of autonomous individuals and atomized family units with no connections to their neighbours.” Is this true of the neighbourhood where you live? Of the relationships you contribute to, are you experiencing genuine community?
As a pastor, I often walk alongside those who are experiencing loneliness or isolation. Often my advice is simple: have coffee with someone. This is the hardest first step, and some feel that they cannot take it. We have come to believe, somewhere along the way, that getting away from others will make us happier, when the opposite is true. Children and adults, introverts and extroverts, men and women, we all need to experience relationship. And good things start around a pot of tea.
The next time you want to ‘take ten steps back’ from another person, think of ways that you can take ‘one step closer.’ It may be the most life-giving step you take this week.
